Time creeps slowly. I cannot endure the ‘pain’ of waiting. There’s nothing else to be packed, honestly. I’ve done all the packing just now in the afternoon. See, how excited I am, while I will only go back at 6 pm tomorrow. I cannot wait. I want to go back. Please!
SAT I results came out last Wednesday. I have decided to resit for the test despite all the suggestions from my lecturers on sitting SAT II. I’m just not prepared for SAT II and I want to do my best in it so that I don’t have to suffer two times, especially from reading Chemistry notes. My results for SAT 1 was not excellent. But it wasn’t so bad compared to what others got. Out of 2400, I got 1750 , that is 73%. Sounds bad doesn’t it? There are 3 sections, for Reading I got 530, Math 640 and Writing 580. All these sections are out of 800. I plan to resit for it and get at least 1900. ANU’s (Australian National University) cut score is 1850.
Okay, I cannot believe this, but I started typing this from 8.00 o’clock. Now it’s 10.49 pm! I deviated, sorry. I cannot write anymore. I’m in pain right now. I’ll end this for today. I’ll write tomorrow, or another day. Please excuse me…
Yesterday was not interesting. Okay, maybe it’s not fair to say it wasn’t. But what I am certain of is yesterday was extremely tiring. I thought my shoulders had detached from my body and I couldn’t stand walking in my high-heels, it was too painful.
Back from the exhibition, I got a bag full with brochures and prospectus from almost 10 universities that I want to consider applying. (Oh, and one university that my friends and I felt pity to because no one was visiting its booth, I guess because it is located at Darwin and such a small university.).They were so heavy that the bag carried them cut through my shoulder. I felt like dragging it all the way in the komuter and LRT and at Mid Valley but it would be too embarassing. My friends wouldn’t want to walk besides me.
We ended our fasting of the day at Mid Valley. I decided not to do that anymore. There were just too much crowd. Not only it was hard to search unoccupied restaurant table, the surau too, was too crowded and it took times to take the wudhu’ and took turns in praying. Just too many people. It’s not worth it, I think. If you really want ‘outside’ food, just buy them and then go back home and eat peacefully.
I forgot to say that I broke my own promise. I bought 2 novels instead of one. There are ‘The Pact’ by Jodi Picoult and ‘My Story’ by Dave Prezler (or something). I felt guilty but not anymore because there are the only 2 things I bought yesterday. (Well, excluding pretzels and Long John Silver meal set).
I am half way through ‘The Pact’. I feel uneasy because there are just too many obscene things. I was expecting something like ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ by the same author. ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ is so touching and inspiring and somewhat clean if you know what I mean. Maybe I was dissapointed but I still think the theme brought by ‘The Pact’ is good. I enjoy reading the clean part of it.
This always happened to me. I bought ‘I Know This Much Is True’ by Wally Lamb months ago and I still haven’t finished reading it because I felt disgusted by the explicit part. But I really like the theme. So touching, about this scyzhophrenic man and his brother. Depressing, yeah, but interesting.
Anyway, I want to talk about ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. I recommend this book and give it 5 stars. This book is so good. It overwhelmed me everytime I read it and I felt empathy towards the main character (Anna). This book is narrated so effectively that you can almost feel what the character feel. I cried a couple of times in the process of finishing this book and I’ll say, it was worth it. This is a story about a conflict in a family who had an ill daughter (Anna’s sister) and how the family dealt with it.
I always say this but it is truly true that I am not a good book reviewer and I cannot tell about books effectively. But I can confirm that ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ is truly a good book and a must-read.
Oh, tomorrow classes will start again. And SAT result! and 5 days more before holiday.. cannot wait…
Today is going to be interesting. If it is not, I’ll make it interesting.
It’s raining. So heavy this morning that I couldn’t sleep. Now it has lessen and hopefully it will stop before 10 because we are going to KLCC. By KLCC, I mean both Kuala Lumpur City Centre & Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. Why? Because there will be an Australian Universities Exhibition. Also, I am going to Kinokuniya KLCC to buy a new novel. I really mean ‘a novel’ , not 2 or 5, because I usually will buy 2 or more novels when it comes to Kinokuniya, but now I have to restrict myself because I am on a budget.
Yesterday I withdrew RM 150 from my bank account and found out the amount left is RM 1,680. This amount is not what my parents gave me. This is my scholarship, including matriculation’s. I have calculated that if every semester the sponsor give us around RM 500, we are supposed to have around RM 2,500 before going to Australia. That is, if I don’t use the money (which I doubt). I heard that in Australia we will go through a rough time when it comes to money. I don’t want to suffer. I have to be stingy from now on. But I have this innate enthusiasm for shopping. But I don’t want to suffer!
The alternative is, part-time working! That sounds nice. Our sponsor really encourage us to take a part time job. They want us to be independent because we are all teachers-to-be. If we are not independent, can we imagine our students to be one?. So,I was thinking about working in a library or bookshop. I am so excited already. A year more to go! oh.. such a long period….
Hari Raya break is just 10 days away and I cannot wait. My brain is crammed with plans right now. Oh, there are just too many things to do, or rather, just too many people to visit and meet. Just hoping my older brother will just want to relax this holiday so that I can use his car to move around. I don’t think I can afford coming home without seeing my teacher. Now that I have not seen her for almost 3 months… and I don’t think I can afford to hold the burden of guilt because of not meeting my old pals from school either.
I just want to go home, actually. I need a break.
To tell the truth, here I am lost. I cannot recognized myself. There are always dilemma in everything, whenever I have to decide something. Here, I have to stand on my own feet. Frankly, I had always relied on others who I thought were better than me, before… in the past. I feel neither easy nor comfortable for I never know for sure, I am not certain on my decisions. By decisions, I mean, my attitude, my behaviour, my appearance (now I’m too self-concious, not all those make-up fuss, but how people perceive me…if you understand what I mean) and my answers to people of their questions. I feel responsible to help people because I understand they will see me as someone ‘educated’ and someone who were being brought up with islamic values from what I wear. But I am not good. Not good enough. Hence, all the dilemmas I feel. I feel guilty for whatever I did, because I know some people see all my behaviours as the ‘okay’ things to follow. No, it’s not okay at all.
Sometimes it is a fight between searching your true self and stick to the old you. Evidently I’m having a conflict right now and I am confusing myself. I guess, the best thing for me to do is just do what I think is right. But sometimes, there are things that are ambivalent. I, myself, will never be sure wether something is right or wrong, or both (possible?), without anyone who is superior (in term of evaluating things better, according to the Islamic law) to enlighten me.
… and there’s where the gap is obvious. But, hey, I’m not suprised no one beside me realize that.
Now I’m feeling a lot better. SAT 1 just passed and it was such a relief. Perhaps it was because of the stress I felt in the preparation of SAT in such a short period that I became ‘haywire’. You all can laugh at me, because I know, SAT is probably the easiest test ever. But I am neither a proficient english speaker nor writer, and my vocabulary is very limited; It is very important to me to obtain perfect score. In any test! I needed more practice and it showed that with this short of a time, I never managed to practice a lot. Okay, so I’m going to repeat it. Big deal…
This December I’m going to sit for the SAT again. But I haven’t decided to sit SAT reasoning test (sat 1) or SAT subject test (include math, physics n chemistry). Most probably I’ll repeat SAT 1, now that I’m feeling much better and more prepared with more intensive classes. I have to rememorize all the jargons though! what a pain. I should’ve use them more in my writing so that I won’t forget them.
I wrote those 2 paragraphs above yesterday. Today I woke up late (10.15 am). Well, I woke up at 6 to perform my subuh prayer then I fall back asleep. I didn’t even have my sahur! But I don’t think it is a big thing because I last ate at 12 mid night last night. I went to my friend’s house; she organized iftar for our class. It was a good thing. I hadn’t went out from this campus for nearly 2 months!
I cannot wait for the coming holiday. I miss my mum so much. Not that I don’t miss my dad, but my ‘miss’ for him couldn’t grow much because he came here almost every week.
Okay, I have lot of assignments to do, so I better sign off!