I looked very happy in this picture …
I’m glad I can still smile.. and laugh… and be happy..
Some people cannot even lift their lips to fake a smile…
Alhamdulillah, aku masih berupaya untuk bernafas di muka bumi ini… masih berupaya untuk bangkit mencari kebenaran.. masih berupaya untuk bangun kembali setelah jatuh.. masih berpeluang untuk perbaiki diri setelah ‘mati’ …….
“War Is Kind” by Stephen Crane
Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind
Because you lover threw wild hands toward the sky
And the affrighted steed ran on alone,
Do not weep
War is kind
Hoarse, booming drums of the regiment,
Little souls who thirst for fight,
These men were born to drill and die.
The unexplained glory flies above them,
Great is the battle-god, great, and his kingdom —
A field where a thousand corpses lie
Do not weep, babe for war is kind.
Because your father tumbled in the yellow trenches,
Raged at his breast, gulped and died,
Do not weep.
War is kind.
Swift blazing flag of the regiment,
Eagle with crest of red and gold,
These men were to drill and die.
Point for them the virtue of slaughter,
Make plain to them the excellence of killing
And a field where a thousand corpses lie.
Mother, whose heart hung humble as a button
On the bright splendid shroud of your son,
Do not weep.
War is kind.
—
I learned this ironic poem in my english class. I felt so so so touched when I read it. Hope you feel the same way too…
Aku amat bertuah… melihat cerita-cerita mereka di luar sana hampir membuat aku menangis. Aku amat bertuah kerana tidak perlu menderita seperti mereka-mereka. Tapi aku tak tahu dek untung… selalu sahaja merungut. Setiap kehidupan ada kesusahan… setiap manusia pasti akan melalui cabaran yang pedih. Mungkin aku masih belum sampai waktu untuk merasainya… Kita selalu sahaja memfokuskan lensa kehidupan kita pada diri kita sahaja. Menyangkakan hanya kita yang paling menderita.. benarkah?
Aku tak boleh fikir seperit mana lagi kesusahan yang bakal aku tempuhi. Tiba-tiba aku rasa takut. Takut menghadapi masa depan, walhal aku tak sabar-sabar mahu pergi dari tempat derita ini…
Life is unfair; and there’s nothing we can do about it
Life is unfair; and there’s always something we can do about it
Thank God, finally the network connection is back. I have posted (only) one of the entries that I wrote for the past few days/weeks. I don’t like how the entry turned out but I posted it anyway. I usually write rubbish when I know there is no internet connection (because I know I won’t be able to post it). The other entries are just too ‘meaningless’, not worth to be published.
I feel tired. Most probably because just now we had swimming lesson. Actually today we got swimming test. Not really swimming, though, today. We were being tested on ‘reaching rescue’ and ‘back float’. Quite easy, both of them. The hard part will come next week on Tuesday and Wednesday. We will do 50 metres breast-stroke and 25 metres free-style. And also, trading! (keeping afloat vertically in water with minimal movements).
So why am I tired if today we just did the easy part of the test? Because I practiced my stroke…. so tiring. I think I manage to do free-style but I struggle with breast-stroke. I need more practices, please!. And also, trading is so tiring because we have to do it for a minute. Sounds like a very short period eh? you bet! I nearly drowned, okay? (technically because I always feel too tired to swim back to the pool’s side when I cannot stand it anymore…what a lame reason. But true..).
Anyway.. I’ll do my best in the next week test. Wish me luck.
Swimming is fun!
This was written on Nov the 20th 2005, Sunday….
The break ends a week ago. Classes have started. How I yearn for more holidays. I found this program has become more and more dreadful. How worse can it be? I don’t want to imagine that.
A year more to go.
I should have started a countdown. No, it will only increase my crave for leaving this place. I just hope our sponsor will pass the proposal on shortening this preparatory program to just until mid next year. We can apply for July intake.
I just want a break. I believe a year will pass without me really noticing it. Just like this 2005 year. Just like my form 5 year. Just like all my years in secondary school… Just like the years of my whole life.
Yesterday I had a really bad PMS day. I didn’t eat anything but ‘baulu’ (Malay traditional kueh). I rarely came out from my room. I spent most of my time watching cds. I managed to finish my homework, though. I hate PMS. My housemates didn’t have the courage to ask me anything because they saw my moody face. I hate PMS.
I went through all my writings that I wrote since form 1 and I cried. I felt depressed over nothing. (Okay, maybe not nothing, but just little little things.) I hate PMS.
I hate PMS. If I didn’t swallow 8 tablets of paracetamol yesterday, I’d have thrown up and screamed all day.
I’m afraid I’ll suffer from kidney failure when I am 40, you know. Because of large consumption of pills every single month without fail. But I cannot help it. Urgh, I hate PMS.
It’s not like by repeating ‘I hate PMS’, I won’t have it ever again… duh!
A year more to go…
It’s about time for me to add new entry. But the computer centre hasn’t resumed our apartment internet service yet. I don’t like to write if I don’t use my own laptop. I’ve written like 5 entries but I cannot post them. All of them are in my computer’s hard drive.
I don’t have privacy here in library’s computer lab.
I cannot write here. No inspiring atmosphere.
I feel nothing here. No emotion can overwhelms me.
I cannot save the entries in my USB drive because I lost it at home. Pity.
I don’t have anything to blog about anyway. (I lied)
… it’s about time I stop before I start writing rubbish.