mkderwish…

Alhamdulillah. I think the exam wasn’t so bad afterall. But I don’t want to say anything about how I did. I pray and I pray I’ll get 1600 (the full mark). The result will be out on the Feb 13th.

Break comes again. But assignments are waiting to be done.

Nak jumpa kawan.. nak jumpa kawan… nak shopping kat Tebrau City.. nak buat Gulap Jaman. Yummy!!

Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru Ma’al Hijrah 1427…. Tahun baru.. Azam baru InsyaAllah…

Now that I’ve taken all the required SAT, I have to concentrate on AP pulak. Along with all the laundry, I also brought 2 thick and bulky Calculus and Physics books home with me. So heavy I’m telling you. But I will try to study. I will study. InsyaAllah.

The PC at home is having its time off. Rosak la pulak… so, my laptop is the mangsa. Everyone wants to use this little baby of mine since my dad’s is untouchable for the time being (He is busy with his works). So, because of the high demand, only now I can use this computer. Hoho.. it’s 5 o’clock in the morning! Actually I slept since 6 pm yesterday… just woke up around 3 something am!!! I don’t know what made me soooo tired. Good thing I can jama’ my solats. But I felt guilty nevertheless.

I dreamed that I consumed a large amount of paracetamol and I felt like dying… in that dream. What a lame way of ending your life………………………… scary though. You die, just like that.

A day before SAT. So, just a quick and terse entry to let out the screams in my head ;p

No!!!! I don’t want to sit for the SAT! I’m so not prepared. All the physics practice tests made me think I’m an Idiot. Don’t even know the simpliest thing. How ill-prepared I am. I don’t know what to read anymore. The huge text book is too much for SAT II.Many superflous facts, not in SAT II sylibus.. Okay, now I’m regretting the fact that I didn’t buy SAT II reference book. But, no. Now is not the time to regret. I just have to read and read and read. ….WUTEVER!

Anyhow, Math is a breeze with my TI-89 calculator. I cannot imagine me sitting the exam without it (might aswell leaving so many questions). Just hoping and praying nothing will happen to the calculator on the test day. But of course, me passing or failing the test is all Allah’s ‘job’ to determine. I have to cling my hope to Allah and only Him.

Allahumma Yasirli wala tuassir ya Kareem….

A good think happened today, though! Our physics tutor gave us a blueberry cheesecake!! huhu.. we all were so happy. You see, the tutor is a 20-something male.. and he teaches my class, but… only the girls… some are too ‘fanatic’, if I might use that.. of him. Hum, what a pleasant suprise. A motivation before sitting SAT II. Haha.

So, after SAT, terus cuti for a week. happy holiday!

Pray for me…

Mai, work hard.. pray harder.. be specific!! and have faith!!!!

Today we had a so-called motivational camp for Ministry of Education’s cohort 3 scholars. So, all MOE scholars from UNITEN, KYUEM and INTEC were there. We met for the first time. There were 96 of us. All scholars in UNITEN will be going to Australia or New Zealand in Februari 2007 while the scholars in KYUEM/INTEC will be going to UK/Canada/Germany in September 2007.

We all will be doing majors in 5 critical subjects; Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics and Special Education. For me, of course it’s Physics. Most of us in UNITEN and KYUEM will be majoring in Math and Physics while in INTEC, they will be majoring in Chemistry and Special Education. As I always mentioned, we (UNITEN) are taking SAT exams and AP Physics/AP Calculus while the INTEC/KYUEM are taking A-Levels.

So, we all are doing shorter preparatory programme compared to the scholars in KYUEM/INTEC. But of course, less choices of top ranking universities. I don’t know, since secondary school, I’ve always wanted to study in the UK…. right now I’m in the same programme but somehow I was placed here and the consequence, I cannot go to the UK… I don’t know how I feel… don’t ask me…. Australia is just as good, I know… and we can’t have everything in life…

Nevertheless, I feel relieve because I take SAT which is easier, in my humble opinion… and although AP is hard, but insyaAllah I can do it. In addition, we got internal assesment, which is the biggest part in determining our admission to universities. Hah! we don’t even have proper exams. It all depends on our lecturers. It’s up to them how to evaluate us. No two lecturers use the same method, and that makes us hard to guess what we get for our gpa.

Writing about GPA, no, I haven’t received my GPA yet. Maybe next week. I hope not, though, because SAT is just 7 days away. I don’t think I can concentrate with bad results all over my face. But then, I really really want to know how I was doing in the last semester. Huh, what a dillema ;p. But the thing is, our GPA has been mailed to MOE! can you believe it? the coordinator sent it to MOE before we even know the result! talk about absurdity……

Anyway, the motivational programme wasn’t interesting. Nuff said. I met a couple of arrogant people and I had enough. All the activities done were quite lame…. I just like the speeches part of the programme, where all the important people said about their hope and trust in us, doing our best in becoming great educators. InsyaAllah.

I don’t know…. maybe after 3 years serving as teacher, I’ll continue my Master and insyaAllah PhD… and then serve my bond, and I want to be a renown Muslim Physicist. Maybe I can continue my master in UK or US. I believe Allah has planned all for me. The best for me. Whatever they are (the plans), InsyaAllah I’ll accept…because they are the best for me. Allah knows everything…

Oh, one more thing, the UK-bound-scholars are going to study for only 3 years in order to get an honour degree while australian/newzealand-scholars have to follow the Australian system, where we have to do a 4 years degree in order to get an Honour degree. So longer time in overseas for us. But is that a good thing??

I heard that if you work just a month (part-time) in Australia, you can buy a return ticket to Malaysia already! huh, that’s a lot of money! InsyaAllah, I’ll work as a part-timer. Kumpul duit untuk kawen .. hahahaha Just kidding, okay??

Work hard, Pray harder, Mai!

… BSc Physics (Hons.), University of Melbourne, Victoria. InsyaAllah..

(I just found out, I got the highest overall marks for SAT I resitting (Dec 05) . And highest improvement in overall marks)

12 days before SAT II. It’s not gonna work for me. I’m changing drastically and I know it won’t stay like this for long. The momentum is discretely decreasing. But I’m determined enough not to be affected by it. I’m working hard. I cannot remember if I ever work harder than right now for an exam. InsyaAllah, I’ll excell. Allah is with me and I’ve put in extra efforts. At least, relative to my own efforts, not everyone else. I don’t want to compare myself to others. At least I try. InsyaAllah I’ll succeed. Work hard, pray harder!

My words always contradict…

I haven’t updated much. These days I usually don’t know what to write. I think a lot. A lot that I don’t even know which to write, or whether I really supposed to write it.

I read a lot of Physics in the last few days. Read a lot of calculus…. I gained so much new historical facts on the origin of many laws. This fascinated me. It really does. Physics is no longer boring (well, except for electricity parts… hehe…).

Also, I read some blogs written by cancer patients. And some have even died. I’m not sure how I felt reading them all, but I sure was overwhelmed by the feeling….

When will I die? how….

Aku dah sesuaikan diri di sini… harapnye sesuaikan diri the right way, dengan mengimplement sifat2 baik, tak korbankan prinsip untuk hidup selesa.. InsyaAllah…

Doing preparatory sure is tough. A year more to go…

I’ve learned a lot, academically and philosophically. I’ve grown, into a critical thinker. At least a better thinker that I was before. I was never thinking so seriously when I was in school. I’ve wasted so much time back then. There are lots of books waiting to be read. I guess right now I still waste my time. There are so much knowledge out there… and I, just ignored it…. pity.

InsyaAllah, I’ll be a renown muslim physicist and let the world know the truth…. not just theory anymore.. InsyaAllah.. this sure is a BIG dream, but why not? dare to dream…

“Reach for the stars, for even if you missed, you’ll at least touch the clouds…”

lastly… PHYSICS is fun!! ;p

“Each riyal, dirham …etc. used to buy their goods eventually becomes bullets to be fired at the hearts of brothers and children in Palestine. For this reason, it is an obligation not to help them (the enemies of Islam) by buying their goods. To buy their goods is to support tyranny, oppression and aggression.” -Sheikh Yusof Al-Qardhawi

Some of the major companies …

There are many other companies, such as McDonald, KFC, Pizza Hut…to tell the truth, I’ve boycotted all these companies since form 2, but recently, I started to buy again.. McD. Dah lama tak ada orang ingatkan aku… suddenly I felt so guilty and sinful. Dr Yusof Al-Qardhawi dah keluarkan fatwa dah about pengharaman benda2 nih.. but Malaysians just ignore it.

Kata je kesian and semangat nak ‘berjihad’.. tapi pengorbanan sikit nih pun tak mampu nak buat. Macammana nak berjaya? InsyaAllah, mulai sekarang, I’ll never buy those products again. Bukannya mati tak makan McD. Bukannya tak boleh hidup tak minum Coke. Lagi cepat mati adelah, kalau consume all those fast foods.

For more information, do visit http://www.inminds.co.uk/boycott-israel.html

What a smooth week! And holiday is starting again this Saturday, for 5 days! A smooth week indeed has went by. Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya AidilAdha!

I am motivated. I have to be. But I really am motivated. SAT 2 will be on the 28th January. I am taking only 2 subjects; Physics and Mathematics. Right now I’m having problems with some topics in Physics (Electric and Magnetism, mostly… a topic I hate the most because I just cannot imagine what’s going on) and also many many topics in PreCalculus, mostly polynomials (the factors and all….. also the sooo many complicated theorems),and elipse/hyperbolic functions. Right now, I am regretting the fact that i didnt memorize form 5’s formulas for arithmetic and geometric sequences… because we have to use them a lot. You see, I never memorized formulas, even if I memorized them, I ended up forgetting all. Good things they provided them in the SPM.

So, I need to work hard. We have to learn many of the topics ourselves. Sadly, our math lecturer doesn’t really teach us all these topics. She did, but she is kinda, ‘touch and go’. Most of the boys read the thick and bulky text books. They read!! who the heck reads maths??? but we all got no other choices if we want to understand the maths. Dahlah bahase buku tuh susah… huhu

Mai, gambatte!

Our first semester’s GPA will be known next week… Waaa.. I’m so afraid. I have to get 3.50 or above.. I will get it, InsyaAllah

I just realized, when you are alone, only then you’ll be able to know your own strength, your own need, and you own guts… and only yourself (and Allah) can determine how your life turns out to be…

you may think you survived, but you may not notice something that kills you softly and slowly……..and it maybe too late when you realize it…

you may think you’re doing good alone… but in the end, you’ll always feel a hole within your heart. you know you’re missing something….

Work hard! pray harder!

I wasted another day. I cannot feel enough. I cannot feel enough although I have persuaded myself.

Tomorrow I’ll be going back. I dread…

I refuse to feel regret. I didn’t achieve, not even touch the edge of my objectives.

Oh, before I forget, Happy New Year 2006. A new year doesn’t make any differences. I don’t feel anything except fear. Last night I was very afraid of the unknown. I could hear people’s laughters and cheers. I could see them, partying all night. And I could see me… staring at my bedroom’s ceiling, doing nothing. I could sense a tsunami coming. Washed all these people away… Kudos to imagination.

How I wish I was stronger. Unthreatened by anything.

I am sick of going back to this dilemma. But it keeps on haunting me. Ugh, enough already!