mkderwish…

It’s not them that I miss. It’s the memory….

I know this sounds harsh. It was hard for me to admit this.

It’s a painful truth. We used to share a life. Understood a joke without much description. Laughed at the things we had done, together. Cried at the sorrow that we went through, together. Now all of us have gone into separate ways. Create stories that are uniquely our own. I am no longer in my friends’ life. I no longer play any roles. And so are they. We met and we told our story, so far. Which sounded so foreign and distant , to the listener. We felt happy… sharing happiness.

I miss the ‘old’ them. Meeting them all, I felt blank. My longing for them hasn’t decreased, not an ounce. Perhaps increased evenmore. I’m not sure. I cannot feel satisfy. Nevertheless, I honestly feel very happy… at last meeting them all….

As we go through this road called life, we’ll meet so so so many people. And of course, we cannot stick to the same environment/people. We have to move on, Mai. We had to. We have to go into separate ways. Each and everyone of us is different. And Allah has planned it all… As for me, I’ll be a physicist… if Allah permits….

And InsyaAllah, we’ll meet again, we’ll reunite, we’ll experience life together again…. in one of the so many intersections on this road…

I’m so emotional. I wrote everything up there because I’m such a ‘mengada-ngade’. Those are what I feel.. so unfocused. Maybe it just a feeling of ‘kesal’. I don’t know.

(Lately I have the feeling that I’m not gonna make it to study abroad…. something will go wrong… and I’ll stuck here…. Australia, sounds soooooo many millions light years away.)

“Reality is Relative”

…. there I go again… mood swing… I have to go out somewhere. Maybe to school. Or buy new dvds… What movies made you cry? Nowadays, only movies can trigger my tears. Last movie that made me cried; I am Sam. It’s hard for me to cry because of stress. Feel like crying, but I didn’t. I’ve tried, but rarely succeed.

cry when you pray… cry and pour out all your feeling to Allah. Ask anything… pengampunan dosa, penerusan hidayah.. minta segalanya dan menangislah… but it’s hard… I’m so weak.

Help me, the Greatest…