mkderwish…

Hi.. I’m trying to update this blog using an external blog editor..

Today is boring.. and right now my left arm is hurting quite badly ..

I guess.. I prefer to update using blogsome’s editor…

It’s over… everything is over.

Hello world! I’m at JB already. I feel so free after months of stress with exams and graduation night stuffs. So free that it doesn’t feel normal. It’s kinda funny, too. I’m so used with a busy schedule.

Alhamdulillah, everything ended with peace. Well, a happy ending for everything. The graduation night was a success, I might say. Although our presentation didn’t go as well as we want, but it was okay! … And, I got to know my gpa. Although I didn’t get a 4 flat, but I am satisfied enough. 3.81 . This is not final, though. My coordinator let me know about this because she knew I’m going back to JB. The rest of the PPOUians haven’t learnt about their gpa, yet. She said, there maybe some changes, because what brings my gpa down is Athletics … I got B+ for athletics … and that is the only B I got … hmmm…. (no comment….)

Majority of my coursemates have to stay back for another week because they will repeat their SAT. I won’t, that’s why I’m here already.

Actually, I feel so sad … I just cannot imagine the class without some of my friends that have depart … hmm, akward ..

………

Yesterday, I cleaned my room before going back. And guess what? I found all my brooches … ALL … haha . That is one of the good things I like about cleaning the room..

There’s so much going on inside my head… that I don’t know how to interpret them into words…

I’ll try.. to resolve my ‘problems’ in this one month. InsyaAllah.

It’s 3.19 am …

quite sleepy…

we just finished practising our presentation and preparing all the stuffs …

sleepy …

last night I slept at 2 … the day before that, 2.3o … the day before that? 1 something … day before that? hmm… around 12 to 1 …

I picked up the program books today.. am not satisfied with how it turns out …

burok… mai jugak yg dpt name.. buat buku program yang burok… and banyak sangat spelling errors . mai, the queen of spelling errors in ppou …

Tomorrow my friends and I are going to Alamanda, in the morning… I need to buy some new brooches … for the graduation night. All my brooches have vanished… dunno where. I’m such a forgetful person.. I just couldn’t remember where I put all my stuffs.. I have tried to search for them everywhere possible .. and the places to put my stuffs are limited.. it is supposed to be easy to find any ‘vanished’ things … sigh…

And then.. rehearsal at 2.. at Palm Garden ..

And then Grad Nite, 8.00 pm .. Palm Garden..

Huhu.. my apartment is full with all the Grad Nite stuffs,. bersepah giler.. mane taknye, buat latihan persembahan kat sini.. and door gifts pon kat sni .. uruskan buku program pon kat sni.. reception jobs pon kat sni.. pendek kate, rumah ktorng macam human resource centre ler…

But… it kinda feels great .. somehow… no matter how tired you are ..

when you do something with IKHLAS .. n you can see the fruits of your labour .. it’s sooooo satisfying …

it’s 3.39 am already.. I better go to sleep, if I don’t wanna terlajak tdo…

It’s dissapointing when you work so hard for someone … but that someone doesn’t bother to help him/herself. It’s annoying when you’re not supposed to be worried.. but you’re so worried anyway. It’s hurt when someone doesn’t care about things that concerned him/herself more.. than it concerns us…

I don’t know why I’m wasting my time for this…

Maybe because we, the left behind, understand the meaning of friendship more than they do…
naaah.. I don’t think so.

Maybe because we, the left behind, are the one who will feel the greatest effect.. they don’t give a damn… they’ll be free… they’re happy…

Maybe because we, the left behind, are the only one who feel sad because of this separation…

Maybe not…

Maybe just because of pure ignorant and selfishness … not everyone, though…

People.. if I misunderstood, just say so… no point talking behind my back. Nothing would change.

and.. I am tired of people taking advantages on me.. just because I look like I don’t mind, doesn’t mean I don’t mind … I’m quite good at pretending, you know.

I should learn how to scold people … but I think I have mastered the art. I used to be a teacher, remember? *laugh* And I’m going to be a teacher…

Or maybe.. learn how to say ‘no’ … sometimes it’s okay to deny somethings…
——————–

Anyway, today we prepared ourselves for a presentation on the graduation night. The whole morning until just now.. The time now is 5.58 pm. But we did it leisurely, of course. With lots of jokes and breaks… haha…

And, alhamdulillah. Today I got to know my Computer Skills result. I got A! 88%. I am the highest in class. I was not so worried about this paper actually. I am more concerned about physics and maths, which I don’t know yet when will I get to know the result.

I cannot wait for the holiday. A month!. I’ll busy myself with alumni (p.a.l.s.) and KRJ works insyaAllah.

The third finger of my left hand is hurting since morning! I don’t know why. It’s so irritating and painful.

… today, my handphone is so quiet … hmm… I feel like calling someone…

Alhamdulillah… everything has finished. Research paper and notecards have been submitted. Woa.. I stayed up until 4.30 am this morning to finished everything. Yay for last-minute work. But I was not the only one who stayed up. I think the whole PPOU did. Some didn’t even sleep at all. Oh, I couldn’t tahan like that…

I have paid the owe, however. I slept this afternoon until 3.30 pm. Actually I wasn’t really sleepy. I was having.. um.. time of the month. Painful. Today, I swallowed 10 tablets of panadol. I know we cannot consume more than 8 a day, but I just couldn’t bear. Hope nothing bad happens. Nothing bad will happen.

Tonight, we, the 6 malay girls from Helium (look at the pic below) will have our own pillow talk. One of us is going to ‘graduate’ this 27th of May. We will part. Oh, how time flies. It’s already a year since we first met. And it’s a wonder how we can be as close as now.

3rd sem, actually, won’t be fun without some who are going off to Australia… this PPOU won’t be the same… huhu.. sedih…

(break before pillow talk)
……

(continue in da morning…)

Meeting and parting…. It’s a must. If we meet, we will part. If you don’t want to part, don’t meet at all, la… well, that’s practically impossible. It’s one of the painful experience that will help us grow up… be more stoic in handling this kind of thing….

Don’t worry, we’ll meet again. But things won’t be the same. Will never be…

We are going to suffer in the 3rd Sem… with just 36 of us left… Cannot imagine how dreadful that can be… people who are not attending PPOU won’t know what happened and what will happen…. the truth is, we are a dreadful lots. Haha. I’ll save this story for later… when I think I’m ready…

Adela hikmahnye… but it’s sure tough…

Everyone is going off… our tutor, he’s going to S’pore to pursue his master programme in NTU.

half of my class are going off… means, in the 3rd sem there may be class reshuffles..

I am not that close to the students in the next class. We have been together for about a year, but we barely know each other. That’s pitiful. My fault, too, not really socializing with them. Next sem is like, meeting them for the first time if we ended up in the same class.

and with only 5 months left…(3rd sem duration)

now.. 8 months before we all will depart…

it feels surreal.

I cannot believe yet that I am going overseas. The reality hasn’t sunk it.

But I am afraid. I know I shouldn’t put my hopes high. There’s probability that I cannot go… some unavoidable circumstances… don’t know yet. So better not to think of it.

I have to go . I want to go somewhere. Prepare myself for a program. Maybe I’ll continue later.

These are my classmates n I. But one boy was missing. He attended that day’s classes. But somehow ‘hilang’. Need I introduce one by one?? hmm… never mind la..

but which one is me? easy guess, rite? ..huhu.. mai tgh control

got speech presentation tomorrow!

huhu… wish me luck!

last exam, tomorrow, for academic writing! the end of finals! yeah…

research paper due on the 19th! and then…. finish 2nd sem! yay. But I cannot go back yet. Got graduation night to handle…. huhu..

I’ll go back to JB on the 29th May…

Bye bye YTN n BNM friends… gonna miss u guys…

Wait me in Melbourne Wait me in Melbourne!!

another semester to go..

ganbatte!!!!!

4th July - 18th November ..

yeah.. I can survive that… I have survived for a year full of exams… next sem, nothing much.. huhu.. hope so. Now that all external exams are finished.. relax a bit la.. a bit jer!

I’ve gone haywire … speech 2moro! I’m the 12th person to present… everyone must be very bored oredy when my turn comes… n… my topic is boring … n the others who present before me are super superb… I’m not redi … never ready..

haha… chayo!

Akira Miruna! I can do it.. go me! hehe..

bosannye idop kat snih…

Loads of works.

We have to build a website for the ppou program. For my group, I’m the one who designs and organize all the files. I am satisfied because it is nearly finished. Wohoo.. I did everything in 2 days. I learnt a lot of new things, too. That’s one good thing about building websites. You’ll learn new things every time you build new site. Well, at least that’s the way it is for me. I don’t know about others, let alone professional web builder. I hadn’t designed layout for long. I left it one and a half years ago. So, this is a good opportunity for me to refresh my memory, and repolish my creativity. This is the general idea how the site looks like. Actually I have made lots of changes… but haven’t uploaded it yet. Not enough time.. or I am too tired to do it. Besides, we actually don’t have to upload it. We have to submit all the files in one folder to the lecturer.

My research paper on animal testing is due on 19th May. I haven’t done it yet, not even ‘rangka’. Just a simple useless preliminary outlines. And!! We have speech presentation for the research on 16th May. I’m so dead. There are so many things to prepare for it; speech outline, visual aids (powerpoint) and audience’s notes or something. And of course I have to practice my speech. But the problem is now, I don’t even have the speech ready yet! not even the outline… imagine, just a week remains!

And… graduation night is 3 weeks away. I have to format the programme book which I have postponed for quite a while because of the AP. My committe’s head must be really mad at me. Well, at least I have done the book cover.

Graduation night is on the 28th May. I will go back to jb on the 29th! For a month holiday. Yay! Most of my friends have to stay back for a week because they will resit the SAT on the 3rd of June. I decided not to resit. Not that I’m so confident with my current result. It’s just that, I know I won’t be prepared. I afraid my marks will only get lower.

Anyway, I stayed in front of the computer for 2 days straight.. sitting on the floor. Now I’m feeling the after effect. My legs hurt like mad. And my right shoulder/neck is burning. But, because I get all these pains from doing the things I like, I won’t complaint much although they are quite an inconvenience.

I don’t want to think about AP anymore. I just hope for the best.

Afterall, only Allah knows what will happen in the future. Only Allah has the right to decide what happens. And only He knows the hikmah within all the problems and pains. I cannot pretend I don’t realize this fact. Accept and redha…

Afterall, there are still so many fun/great/miracelous things for us to expect in the future. We’ll never know what is going to happen . Hope for the best. Have faith, Mai…

Sleepy me….. sweet dreams, Mai…

horrible…
I don’t feel relieve at all… well, maybe a bit.. but I don’t feel easy.

horrible.. disasterous… horrible… horrible…

This is it… the end.

But I am reluctant to let my dreams go.. I still am praying for miracles….

the time wasn’t enough.. I left many questions unanswered… my response to subjective questions wasn’t making any sense… I went blank …

To tell the truth… it’s not that I’m stoic or strong or whatever… It’s not that i have accepted and redha… actually I don’t know how I feel. I’m not sure how I really feel.. so what I feel right now is.. Takde perasaan…

Actually the reality hasn’t sunk in yet. I still cannot believe what had happened. I still cannot believe that I have actually taken AP Calculus BC. I still cannot comprehend that this event will effect my chances on applying to universities. I still cannot grasp the reality. I still cannot accept that there was actually error. I just cannot… I just cannot accept the fact that now, I, for the first time in my life, will receive failure.

People say that I’m running away from the problem. Am I? I don’t know… I feel like all these things that happening are merely jokes. Jokes! Or maybe that I’m dreaming… waiting for someone to wake me up… morning!!

The thing is, the reality hasn’t sunk in yet…

I really am praying for miracle.. that somehow I’ll get band 5 for the paper. That somehow, the universities don’t care about AP… that somehow, I am accepted to University of Melbourne.

Is this thing really happening? Mai, wake up!

Maybe because I don’t know how ‘well’ I did in the exam. I’ll react to this whole situation after I receive the result. Only at that time I can cry or scream or just redha… Right now, I really am emotionless… maybe just geram to some people.. but that’s that. So people.. just wait till I receive the result… the third week of July. Then I can tell how I really feel….

Right now, I really have to concentrate on AP Physics.. this monday.

Do pray for my success.