Reality that hasn’t sunk in
To tell the truth… it’s not that I’m stoic or strong or whatever… It’s not that i have accepted and redha… actually I don’t know how I feel. I’m not sure how I really feel.. so what I feel right now is.. Takde perasaan…
Actually the reality hasn’t sunk in yet. I still cannot believe what had happened. I still cannot believe that I have actually taken AP Calculus BC. I still cannot comprehend that this event will effect my chances on applying to universities. I still cannot grasp the reality. I still cannot accept that there was actually error. I just cannot… I just cannot accept the fact that now, I, for the first time in my life, will receive failure.
People say that I’m running away from the problem. Am I? I don’t know… I feel like all these things that happening are merely jokes. Jokes! Or maybe that I’m dreaming… waiting for someone to wake me up… morning!!
The thing is, the reality hasn’t sunk in yet…
I really am praying for miracle.. that somehow I’ll get band 5 for the paper. That somehow, the universities don’t care about AP… that somehow, I am accepted to University of Melbourne.
Is this thing really happening? Mai, wake up!
Maybe because I don’t know how ‘well’ I did in the exam. I’ll react to this whole situation after I receive the result. Only at that time I can cry or scream or just redha… Right now, I really am emotionless… maybe just geram to some people.. but that’s that. So people.. just wait till I receive the result… the third week of July. Then I can tell how I really feel….
Right now, I really have to concentrate on AP Physics.. this monday.
Do pray for my success.
Ya ALLAH kurniakanlah kejayaan dan kebahagiaan buat ukhti habibati fillah maimunah khairuddin. Kurniakanlah kami waktu biar sesaat spy bertemu lagi di bawah rahmat Mu..andai kali terakhir. Amin ya Rabbal ‘Alamin
Comment by hanisah — May 7, 2006 @ 9:17 am