mkderwish…

Malay languange mode today…

Dah berhari-hari aku cuba nak tulis entry, tapi tidak berjaya. Heh. Tak best la guna komputer lain. Petang tadi laptop ku sudah selamat dihantar ke kedai komputer untuk diperbaiki. Huhu. Yes! Laptop ku rosak…. sedihnye.
So, semalam seharian keje back-up files, burn dvd… ingatkan sambil-sambil tuh boleh la update blog, tapi tak kesampaian. Macam-macam hal… huhu.. ape hal nye pun tak tau la… I think semalam rileks semacam je.

Anyway, I’m home. Best sangat rase dah kat umah ni. Tapi seriously, bila kat umah jadi teramat malas. Let’s see buat ape sepanjang 3 hari dah kat umah ni… hmm.. rileks, tido, main ngan hanaa, tuka pampers hanaa, dukong hanaa nangis, makan, tengok tv, main ngan hanaa, surf tenet sekali-sekali… online YM, tapi bile cuti ni semua orang offline. Apesal? kat umah ngak ade internet ka kawan2? ke sibuk sgt enjoy cuti… huhu.

Actually, banyak kerja yang patut disiapkan.. tetapi (kwang kwang kwang..) aku lagi ngak ada laptop sih… ngak best la buat kerja guna komputer lain. Tak best! Tapi… naik cuti ni banyak je assignment due. So nak tak nak, I’ll try la to start doing my works. Huhu.. hopefully!

Macam-macam hal berlaku kat umah ni..

Last Saturday my cousin got married. He’s 22. Our house became the ‘host’ for the groom before berangkat ke umah pengantin pempuan. So, my house agak serabut dan bersepah la last weekend. My house kecik sangat but despite that, selalu je family gathering kat sini. I feel so serabut sometimes.. but org lain macam tak kesah je… Kenape tak kesah? kecik la umah ni…. kalau ade yang sleep over lagi lah payah.. toilet ngak cukup pepagi bute! kalau just my immediate family pon selalu je rebut2 toilet, apatah lagi ramai2…

Huhu.. nak ulang what my mum always said to my dad “kate je architect.. buat umah orang lain banyak.. tapi umah sendiri tak buat-buat..” huhu… sabojela.. belum ada rezeki…

So, petang tadi before hantar my laptop to the kedai, singgah sebentar kat site convention centre tuh. The infront seriously looked like it was made out of cardboard. I pointed that out to my dad.. Why?? why like that aa abah? huhu.. he said, biasela.. orang suruh buat lain, ade org lain memandai tukar.. macam2 manusia nih, ikut suka sendri.. yang kene my dad jugak.. sabo je la.. tapikan, serious obvious macam cardboard! huhu… tak lawo.. bahagian belakang lagi lawa..

Hehehe… seronoknye duduk rumah! I feel so rileks. Lupakan segala ketensenan di uni… seminggu je… takpe, yg penting I have the break I wanted.. I had a nice long sleep, dah.. Esok, nak ajak mama gi Tebrau City.. shopping la pulak, kan.. dah rileks brape hari, kene panaskan kaki pulak. Hehe..

Hmm… those who wanted to know.. my AP result, not that impressive. I was really down that day because before I got the real result, the coordinator told me a ‘wrong’ result. Really deceiving… dahla infront of many.. agak malu la… she said I got 5 for both Physics..ade ke… lepas dapat result betul2, kenela perbetulkan that fact kat semua.. huhu..

Anyway, my grades are:

Physics C: Mechanics - 4
Physics C: Elec&Magnetism - 4
Calculus BC - 3
Calculus AB - 5

What the grade means according to the slip..
5- extremely well qualified
4- well qualified
3- qualified
2- probably qualified
1- no recommendation

Enough about AP. Now, marilah kite bersama-sama berdoa semoga I get a place at (at ke in?) Uni of Melb!

Oh, agak happy hari ni, coz Hanaa comel.. and abah belikan external dvd writer. Thank you so much!

Thank You Allah for today.. Thank You Allah for everything.

(Huhu, aku rileks sangat sampai rase guilty…… mane bleh rilek-rilek cik adik oi.. keje berlambak-lambak.. masalah masyarakat banyak utk difikirkan penyelesaian…… waaaaaaa)

Washing cars is tiring. Today we washed 5 cars and 2 motorcycles. Hmm, sounds so ’sikit’ but believe me it was tiring! I was planning to sleep but couldn’t. So tired…

Ni gambo last week… on Saturday, byk kereta! satu je pic coz malas nak upload. Today I forgot to take pictures..

Actually I was planning to make an entry about my little cousins. They are so cute. You see, I have so many cousins, 40 on my dad’s side, 50 on my mum’s side. Maybe more.. I’m not updated. Haha, bile tercampak kat sini, serius macam katak bawah tempurung, tetibe je ade berita this auntie bersalin, this auntie mengandung, cousin kawen, cousin dapat anak! huhu… selalu je terkejut like “haa?? bersalin? bile mase makcik so and so mengandung pulak??”… and my sis at home selalu je men’jeles’kan diri ini “Munah, hari tu gi umah this auntie, baby comeeeel sgt…”.. I cannot imagine how more ‘katak bawah tempurung’ I will be overseas…

Haha, but after Hanaa’ was born, my enthusiasm towards others’ babies dah berkurang. But that doesn’t mean I dah tak kesah.. I love babies!! especially yang gemok-gemok and montel-montel. Sedap utk didukung and dipeluk. My term for this kind of baby is.. Mantap! Hanaa’ masih belum cukup mantap.. huhu.. boleh ada harapan lebih montel.

Maha besar Allah jadikan babies comel-comel belaka… supaya senang disayang, kan? I think, org yang buang anak tu, mmg dah takde perasaan… selfish… kejam…

My little cousins…

Ah.. dah lame tak balik kampung…

I remember I wrote about wanting to post Hanaa’ latest pic, but up until today I didn’t. So here go hanaa’ pics… Kawaai, Iputa! hihi..

Why is it, her face is different in every photo? Haha…

oh, I miss her… hihi… I want to go back, maybe next week… maybe not…

Edit : I received my actual semester 2 result transcript a couple of days ago. Alhamdulillah, I got 3.88. Please pray for my AP result, which will be released on the 3rd week of July… End of Edit

I’m back . Haha.. I cannot tahan anymore.. I need to write. I tried to be distant from this blog to avoid me writing complete craps.

I don’t want to feel depressed anymore. At least not showing it here.

I know no one cares. I’m not actually depressed. It’s just that everything was so overwhelming around me that I felt so serabut. And I needed a break, and I had it. I had my brain worked to find the way out. I know I’m lying. I just decided to be ‘cool’ about all these.

hmm.. but I sure did a lot of thinking…

I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to tell what really are bothering me, as much as I want to… one thing though, there are lots… that explains my extreme serabut-ness. Some you can already guess (based on my entries before… ).

Anyway, my aunt went back to our hometown for a couple of days but came back here because she just cannot stays with a younger sister. She got worse, rebelled and got mad at everything. That’s why we took her back. It’s scary when she gets worse…

Hanaa’ is extremely cute! She can laugh now. So adorable!!! But just now she fell on the floor (my younger sis accidently let her go.. and now she’s still crying on and off. Poor her… But still is sooo cute!

My batch plans for a mini reunion this wednesday. Honestly, I don’t feel enthusiastic at all. My soul is not into it anymore. I am tired.

Our former school office clerk passed away yesterday. She had liver cancer and survived for more than 2 years after her diagnosis. Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi rojiun.. Her children are still schooling, all of them. As for me, I cannot think of the right words to comment on this… I feel sad.. Death again…

My grandfather is just hospitalized, he has lung cancer. He has alzheimer, that’s why he seems clueless about his illness. Maybe he doesn’t even feel pains. That’s good then. He won’t suffer so much.

One of my cousin is having major depression. The family is afraid that he might be developing Schizophrenia… It’s in our blood already.. very high possibility. Aaa!! I’m so scared.

Okay, I need to stop here…

My aunt will be staying here for a while, until she gets well. My parents have to watch over her, making sure she takes her medicine…

Sigh, just when I got this a month holiday. I guess, I have to be strong and try my best to help. It’s quite cruel of me if I got mad because she’s here. I have to help. I cannot be selfish. It’s an inconvenience but I trust this is one of Allah’s trial for me. Be patient and caring …

She has schizophrenia. It’s scary. Everything concerning her is unpredictable. She always laughs by herself. She laughs only when she’s alone. She got mad at everything. If anything is messy, she will nag and scold everyone she sees. Her face looks scary. All glum and red… her eyes are red…  Her cooking, you don’t want to know. She just mixes everything…

I pray to Allah, hope that she’ll recover. She has this sickness since forever. And it comes and goes. Especially when she’s under a lot of stress.

But people, please… she’s not crazy. This is not a type of madness. She’s sick and that’s that. She has a psychological disorder and that’s that. All of us, normal people have to help her. All the stigmatism will only worsen the condition. When she’s okay, she’s very okay! actually, my aunt is a very caring and loving person. Only when the sickness comes, she becomes a bit different.

Her sickness really made me interested in learning psychology and human mind… I like to know various kind of psychological disorders. I read books like ‘I know this much is true’ and ‘Or give me death…’ and watch movies like ‘Girl, Interrupted’ and ‘A beautiful mind’ repeatedly. Human mind is so fascinating….. don’t u think??

Anyway… today I accompanied my mum to the hospital. I watched over Hanaa’ while my mum was having her medical check-up.

And, I just got back from my friend’s (Nonie) house. Just talking and doing nothing else. I’m bored at home and I am missing everyone… but many of my friends are not at their home.. I’m looking forward to meet everyone!!

Hanaa’ is super cute!! she looks a lot like a chinese just that her skin is a bit tanner (huh? hehe). Oh, her cheeks are getting chubbier.. and her voice is soooo sweet. I love her small eyes! I will post her latest pic.. later.

What shall I do tomorrow?….

Today all PPOU students had to attend Tun Mahathir lecture at Uniten’s multi-purpose hall. And so we did. The hall was so crowded. I happened to know that many Uniten’s students’ attendance were also compulsory for this talk. So I didn’t feel so bad. The lecture was about “Leadership in Crisis Management”…

I got to sit at the first floor. I couldn’t concentrate because Tun talked kinda weakly at first and I didn’t quite discern what he was saying. So I ’sumbat’ed my ears with earphones and listened to some songs. I knew I missed lots of jokes. But I just couldn’t stand long lectures. Not when the orators talk about things I feel irrelevant to myself. I know leadership is not irrelevant, but, oh well… Do I feel bad not concentrating on his talk? no…

Anyway, I took a couple of pictures of him. Not that I wish to make a wallpaper out of them.. but my friend asked me because I happened to be a lot taller than her. During the questions and answers session, a young woman stood up and without shame said how she prouds of Tun and he is her role model. Not that I’m saying it’s wrong, but her attitude when she said those things was so wrong. She was over enthusiastic. With her evening pink dress, she looked so out of place. My friend, Azu, saw her when we went out of the hall and said the young woman’s dress was so diaphanous, so thin that Azu could see her blue-dotted panties. So embarrasing!

Enough about that. Today was supposed to be a holiday (Sultan’s Selangor’s birthday) but our Physics lecturer decided we were not to have the break. So we had our physics class just now, from 4 to 6 o’clock. What I hate was the fact that there was no shuttle bus. We all had to walk from our apartment to our class… and the walking took 15 mins… 30 minutes ulang alik.. Very tiring.

I feel angry to my brother right now. He is in KL and he didn’t tell me. Not fair. Tiday, they (my bros and siss) went to Times Square and were enjoying themselves whilst I stuck here. Not fair. Not that I really want to go, but at least he should’ve told me. Not fair.

My parents are in Indonesia for my cousin’s weeding. Yup, my cousin is an Indonesian. Actually 2 of my uncles are Indonesian. You see, my grandfather had 2 wives, and one of them was Indonesian. She was the first wife. When my grandfather moved to Malaysia (because of some wars in Sulawesi, Indonesia) in 1950’s, he married my real grandma.

I want to be a good writer… quite impossible…

this post is sooooo random

My family, eid ul fitri 2005, without my older sister, Hasanah. I love my family, doesn’t everyone?