mkderwish…

Yesterday we received all the application forms for Australian universities that we intend to go to.
I took 5 forms; from 5 universities.. there are University of Melbourne, University of Western Australia, Monash University, University of Sydney and University of Adelaide. My first choice is Uni of Melbourne. My last choice is Uni of Adelaide… but I havent make up my mind which uni for the second, third or fourth choice among those 3.

The plan to send us to the US is cancelled, according to the ministry of education representative. But some of my friends want to appeal or something, because they are really interested to go to the US. As for me, I just want to focus. As I have said before, I do want to go to the US, if they tell us earlier. But the situation now is different. Anyway, the uni in Australia (the big 8 particularly) are just as good (if not better) as the US uni…

Actually I just got back from Hi Tea Palestine which was held in Putrajaya. Talks were delivered by none other than Ust Mazslee and Dr Hafidzi. It was interesting. Membakar semangat.. geram sangat kat puak2 zionis… and at the same time feel guilty because here in Malaysia, hidup bersenang lenang.. bergelak ketawe.. senang je lupa ttg isu ni… so, berazamlah diri ini, supaya membantu setakat termampu.. menyebarkan kepada sahabat2 terdekat n family.. n also, berterusan membantu dr segi kewangan, InsyaAllah.. walaupun as student, I agak sengkek..

And interestingly, I met Aneesah there, my online friend since form 3 I think. We had never met each other before. What a coincidence. It was great meeting you! But there wasn’t enough time to really sit down and talk.. hope we can meet again, someday.

I’m so anxious now, not receiving my AP scores yet. I called home everyday asking whether the results have arrived or not… so unfair.. huhu.. why haven’t I received mine?

Oh.. I miss home already… nak balik.. nak balik… lagi sebulan :p sanggupkah aku bertahan?

I want a digital camera!

hey syida, how r u? we all miss you!!!! sooo much…. I want my darling back!!

—–

New semester has started on Monday. I reached KL on friday night … haha. So semangat one… No la, I came early to see Syida off…

Anyway, when I received the timetable, I was quite relieved. It was more flexible than the timetable before, more importantly, no saturday classes. And, we have Golf as our co-curicular activity this sem! haha, i just cannot imagine myself playing golf. Tak pernah terfikir…. Living in Uniten is full of surprises, huh?

So far, classes are quite boring. (But Comparative Religion is interesting!). Mr Joe (Physics) managed to call my name a couple of times, though. Mostly to wake me up from my day-dreaming… I didn’t sleep.. but I was somewhere else.. huhu.. That guy, he notices everything. (I saw everything, you know! I watch over everyone, not only Esther!).. teheehee…

This sem, we are taking 5 subjects. Physics, Specialist Math (that includes statistics), English for Science & Technology, Comparative Religion and Golf… Oh, and also, community project is incorporated in our timetable, too.

And of course, we receive juniors. First impression, not so good.. (What an arrogant bunch of kids.. huahaha). But now, okayla… but still, I have some skepticsm (sp?).. cannot help la feeling that when you are the senior. But ( so many ‘but’ in this paragraph) I am looking forward to get to know them more closely and I am more than willing to help in any way…

Oh, almost forgot. Our coordinator just told us that we can apply to the US universities.. besides Australian and New Zealand. I was like “What?!! Why didn’t they tell us earlier…”. So I did a little research.. and found out that only some (sikit sgt) universities offer Spring intake (January). The rest only offer Summer intake… So, I don’t think I’ll apply to the US.. I don’t want to stay here any longer (if I had to go next August instead..). Besides, I am enthusiastic about Melbourne since long ago… But, if I found a good university that offer spring intake, I’ll try to apply.. but so far, none.. (MIT offers spring intake, though………. keep on dreaming, la!!! haha).

Hish, talking about applying reminds me of AP results that we haven’t received. Agak takut!.

To all Muslims, please pray for the fellow muslims in palestine…

It’s over… everything is over.

Hello world! I’m at JB already. I feel so free after months of stress with exams and graduation night stuffs. So free that it doesn’t feel normal. It’s kinda funny, too. I’m so used with a busy schedule.

Alhamdulillah, everything ended with peace. Well, a happy ending for everything. The graduation night was a success, I might say. Although our presentation didn’t go as well as we want, but it was okay! … And, I got to know my gpa. Although I didn’t get a 4 flat, but I am satisfied enough. 3.81 . This is not final, though. My coordinator let me know about this because she knew I’m going back to JB. The rest of the PPOUians haven’t learnt about their gpa, yet. She said, there maybe some changes, because what brings my gpa down is Athletics … I got B+ for athletics … and that is the only B I got … hmmm…. (no comment….)

Majority of my coursemates have to stay back for another week because they will repeat their SAT. I won’t, that’s why I’m here already.

Actually, I feel so sad … I just cannot imagine the class without some of my friends that have depart … hmm, akward ..

………

Yesterday, I cleaned my room before going back. And guess what? I found all my brooches … ALL … haha . That is one of the good things I like about cleaning the room..

There’s so much going on inside my head… that I don’t know how to interpret them into words…

I’ll try.. to resolve my ‘problems’ in this one month. InsyaAllah.

It’s 3.19 am …

quite sleepy…

we just finished practising our presentation and preparing all the stuffs …

sleepy …

last night I slept at 2 … the day before that, 2.3o … the day before that? 1 something … day before that? hmm… around 12 to 1 …

I picked up the program books today.. am not satisfied with how it turns out …

burok… mai jugak yg dpt name.. buat buku program yang burok… and banyak sangat spelling errors . mai, the queen of spelling errors in ppou …

Tomorrow my friends and I are going to Alamanda, in the morning… I need to buy some new brooches … for the graduation night. All my brooches have vanished… dunno where. I’m such a forgetful person.. I just couldn’t remember where I put all my stuffs.. I have tried to search for them everywhere possible .. and the places to put my stuffs are limited.. it is supposed to be easy to find any ‘vanished’ things … sigh…

And then.. rehearsal at 2.. at Palm Garden ..

And then Grad Nite, 8.00 pm .. Palm Garden..

Huhu.. my apartment is full with all the Grad Nite stuffs,. bersepah giler.. mane taknye, buat latihan persembahan kat sini.. and door gifts pon kat sni .. uruskan buku program pon kat sni.. reception jobs pon kat sni.. pendek kate, rumah ktorng macam human resource centre ler…

But… it kinda feels great .. somehow… no matter how tired you are ..

when you do something with IKHLAS .. n you can see the fruits of your labour .. it’s sooooo satisfying …

it’s 3.39 am already.. I better go to sleep, if I don’t wanna terlajak tdo…

It’s dissapointing when you work so hard for someone … but that someone doesn’t bother to help him/herself. It’s annoying when you’re not supposed to be worried.. but you’re so worried anyway. It’s hurt when someone doesn’t care about things that concerned him/herself more.. than it concerns us…

I don’t know why I’m wasting my time for this…

Maybe because we, the left behind, understand the meaning of friendship more than they do…
naaah.. I don’t think so.

Maybe because we, the left behind, are the one who will feel the greatest effect.. they don’t give a damn… they’ll be free… they’re happy…

Maybe because we, the left behind, are the only one who feel sad because of this separation…

Maybe not…

Maybe just because of pure ignorant and selfishness … not everyone, though…

People.. if I misunderstood, just say so… no point talking behind my back. Nothing would change.

and.. I am tired of people taking advantages on me.. just because I look like I don’t mind, doesn’t mean I don’t mind … I’m quite good at pretending, you know.

I should learn how to scold people … but I think I have mastered the art. I used to be a teacher, remember? *laugh* And I’m going to be a teacher…

Or maybe.. learn how to say ‘no’ … sometimes it’s okay to deny somethings…
——————–

Anyway, today we prepared ourselves for a presentation on the graduation night. The whole morning until just now.. The time now is 5.58 pm. But we did it leisurely, of course. With lots of jokes and breaks… haha…

And, alhamdulillah. Today I got to know my Computer Skills result. I got A! 88%. I am the highest in class. I was not so worried about this paper actually. I am more concerned about physics and maths, which I don’t know yet when will I get to know the result.

I cannot wait for the holiday. A month!. I’ll busy myself with alumni (p.a.l.s.) and KRJ works insyaAllah.

The third finger of my left hand is hurting since morning! I don’t know why. It’s so irritating and painful.

… today, my handphone is so quiet … hmm… I feel like calling someone…

Alhamdulillah… everything has finished. Research paper and notecards have been submitted. Woa.. I stayed up until 4.30 am this morning to finished everything. Yay for last-minute work. But I was not the only one who stayed up. I think the whole PPOU did. Some didn’t even sleep at all. Oh, I couldn’t tahan like that…

I have paid the owe, however. I slept this afternoon until 3.30 pm. Actually I wasn’t really sleepy. I was having.. um.. time of the month. Painful. Today, I swallowed 10 tablets of panadol. I know we cannot consume more than 8 a day, but I just couldn’t bear. Hope nothing bad happens. Nothing bad will happen.

Tonight, we, the 6 malay girls from Helium (look at the pic below) will have our own pillow talk. One of us is going to ‘graduate’ this 27th of May. We will part. Oh, how time flies. It’s already a year since we first met. And it’s a wonder how we can be as close as now.

3rd sem, actually, won’t be fun without some who are going off to Australia… this PPOU won’t be the same… huhu.. sedih…

(break before pillow talk)
……

(continue in da morning…)

Meeting and parting…. It’s a must. If we meet, we will part. If you don’t want to part, don’t meet at all, la… well, that’s practically impossible. It’s one of the painful experience that will help us grow up… be more stoic in handling this kind of thing….

Don’t worry, we’ll meet again. But things won’t be the same. Will never be…

We are going to suffer in the 3rd Sem… with just 36 of us left… Cannot imagine how dreadful that can be… people who are not attending PPOU won’t know what happened and what will happen…. the truth is, we are a dreadful lots. Haha. I’ll save this story for later… when I think I’m ready…

Adela hikmahnye… but it’s sure tough…

Everyone is going off… our tutor, he’s going to S’pore to pursue his master programme in NTU.

half of my class are going off… means, in the 3rd sem there may be class reshuffles..

I am not that close to the students in the next class. We have been together for about a year, but we barely know each other. That’s pitiful. My fault, too, not really socializing with them. Next sem is like, meeting them for the first time if we ended up in the same class.

and with only 5 months left…(3rd sem duration)

now.. 8 months before we all will depart…

it feels surreal.

I cannot believe yet that I am going overseas. The reality hasn’t sunk it.

But I am afraid. I know I shouldn’t put my hopes high. There’s probability that I cannot go… some unavoidable circumstances… don’t know yet. So better not to think of it.

I have to go . I want to go somewhere. Prepare myself for a program. Maybe I’ll continue later.

These are my classmates n I. But one boy was missing. He attended that day’s classes. But somehow ‘hilang’. Need I introduce one by one?? hmm… never mind la..

but which one is me? easy guess, rite? ..huhu.. mai tgh control

Resitting SAT, again? High probability. Very high.

I didn’t finish my essay. No conclusion. Unfair. Might as well score less that the previous test.

The jargons used in the questions were beyond my memory. Never actually saw them. Unfair.

I couldn’t concentrate when I was answering grammar sections and passages. There must be lots of mistakes. I took too many risks on answering questions that I didn’t even know the answer. You see, for every wrong answer, a quater mark will be deducted.

The math questions are easier, though. But still, I think I might make some careless mistakes, which I usually made.

Am I sounded too pessimistic? because actually I am, just for this test ‘issue’ though. I was hoping to do way better than the previous attempt, but I think I’ve done a worse job on finishing this test. I wanted to get 2000/2400. Seems impossible now. Just seems… not truly impossible. Usually, things turn out differently from what I first predicted. I still hope for the best.

Now, as usual, I’m having a post-exam trauma … HEADACHE.

Now that test is over, and holiday is just around the corner (yeah rite.. it’s actually on the 24th Dec), I am enthusiastically planning for my school batch’s reunion. Yesterday was stressful for me, so I sms-ed all (most) my school friends. All my day were spent for replying messages and exchanging stories of ’stressfulness’. I missed my friends so badly. So, if God’s willing, the reunion will be on 25th December. I certainly cannot wait.

Bad headache. I need to repose.

SAT reasoning test on the 3rd December. That is, this Saturday! Do wish me luck. My aim for this attempt is 2000/2400. I hope this is my final attempt. Oh, do wish me luck!! I don’t want to resit anymore. Flipping through all the jargons sure is painful (because I cannot remember all, that is).

I miss my friends. Yesterday one of my good friend in school called. Although I was sleeping at that time and was so so tired and so so sleepy, I felt very glad and happy she called. (At 11.15 pm). We talked for about half an hour. Something can hold my ‘nafs’ for sleep after all. I was happy I heard her voice. Hadn’t heard her voice for quite a while. We talked about a lot of things, especially about her novel-to-be. She is a great writer, and I’m her great supporter and the 1st person to know whatever happens in her novel. It feels good to have a person who consider you special. It sure is…

I hope I can continue to feel good as long as possible, or at least until the end of SAT test. When I sit for it for the 1st time, I got headache and felt so lethargic because of , I think, lack of sleep. No, not on purpose, though. I just couldn’t sleep. I’m having the problem right now too. Hope I can sleep peacefully on the night before the test.

I want to go back home. Like mad…