Now I think it’s quite fixed, la, our graduation night date.
It’ll be on the 17th Nov 2006, yups, on a friday night.
And it will be held at Dewan Persidangan Utama, Kompleks Perbadanan Putrajaya (or something nears that name la.. I cannot really remember).
But of course, this is not 100% certain yet. Hopefully everything will be decided before hari raya holiday.
Hmm, nothing really interesting is happening or about to happen or has happened in the last few days.. just that I’m going back this weekend! Yay! I’m so missing home… huhu. (But, our housemaid is going back to her hometown starting tomorrow.. huhu, so I have to jadi bibik temporarily kot.. haha… wrong timing betul la…)
Oh, today we had our community project presentation. My group was the first to present. Hmm… everything was okay. Hehe.. our coordinator was so happy and overwhelmed with our efforts (all 4 groups plus the school project thing) that she cried… huhu… we were stunned.. well, at least I was stunned. Okay, one A guarenteed… hehehe…
I was a bit down last few days. Well, I really really think that I need to buck up but there surely isnt enough time. You see, we received our math mid-term result and for me, it didnt turn out so good. An ‘A’ seems quite hard to acquire for now, I guess. Final exam is just a week away! plus I think I know nothing about statistics……… Okay, one unsecured subject… maybe A-, or B+ or worse…… Nauzubillah min zalik. Oh Allah, please help me… but.. of course, I know I dont deserve good marks with my efforts right now…
Aaaa… banyaknye keje… chayo!!!
Oh, so many works yet I feel like there are too much of leisure time. (only me, though.. too much of leisure time.. people will scream at me if they know I said this…)
Statistics Project (havent started! yet although the due date is like a week away!), English for Science & Tech research paper, community project presentation (5th Oct), program book stuffs. Ah.. not enough time actually! how can I say there are too much of leisure time!… plus I have to tutor 2 juniors for 16 hours before their final exam (we are being paid….and right now I have only done 5 hours) for physics and calculus. waa.. tak cukup mase.. tak cukup mase!
And I still want to go back this weekend (7th till 10th Oct! yessss! 4 days of break.. sorry man, I couldnt help myself.. maybe I can bring some works home.. but doing them is very very unlikely! so, why bother??)
After that break we only have like less than 2 weeks before hari raya holiday.. (haha…I love my home). And after a week of hari raya hols, we only have 3 weeks left here!!! I just cannot believe this.. how time flies.. haha. there goes the cliche sentence…
Kitaran hari bulan ramadhan ni rase mcm amat pendek.. maybe bcoz after terawikh I always decided to just go to sleep..
Bangun 4 am -> Go to Ilsas for sahur -> balik apartment around 4.45 am -> buat la ape2 yg patut but tak tdo until subuh -> selalunye tertdo gak atas sejadah right after subuh prayer -> kol 8 siap2 nak gi kelas -> Kelas until 4.30 pm -> balik apartment , asar n cek emel n buat la ape2 yg patut lagi -> 7 pm gi Ilsas for berbuka -> balik apartment around 7.30, mandi, solat, ngaji -> 8.15 trus ke masjid for isya’ n terawikh -> balik around 9.40 -> computer jap yer… -> around 10.30 tdo! ..
Bile saye buat tutorial ye?? hehe.. on weekends and selit-selit kat jadual mase kelas….
Bile buat keje sekolah pulak? selit2 gak mase lepas terawikh n lepas sahur… huhu…
Bile basuh baju? haha… on weekends…
Huhu.. cukup-cukupla mengarut ye..
Nak balik!!! huhu.. rindu sama semua..
Oh, my little (hahahah) brother tengah PMR skrg ni.. Ahmad… doakan ler die berjaye…
My final exam is on the 13th, 16th, 17th and 18th Oct..
Papers yang i think i need to work extra hard to do them are Maths and Comparative Religion (kene banyak bace… huhu.. ni yg susah…).
Hopefully Physics senang la sket, pls Mr Joe!!
Oh, and my birthday is on the 19th October, ye… pls be informed… haha..
Hmm.. hopefully I can get 4 flat la for this final.. haha.. Ya Allah, punye la berangan.. hehe.. yela, tak pnah merase nak 4 flat… and nothing’s impossible rite..
Kalau dpt 4 flat, my cgpa will be 3.92… huhu.. mcm mantap je bunyinye…
Tapi, mai… jangan berangan nak 4 flat with this kind of attitude you have right now.. buat keje semua last-minute,, and bukan nak study bebetul!
Okay, mai.. kene work hard for the best, yer… semoga berjaya… ambil berkat bulan ramadhan ni.. rajin sikit!! eh, tak.. rajin banyak!!! ..
Okay okay.. dah kol 10.40 pm.. kene tido.. wassalam..
One Wednesday evening, she went to Optic Angsana, complaining about her glasses, askewed. So the pakcik kedai repaired it. She still didn’t feel satisfied. “But look, tengok ni.. senget kat sini.” But the pakcik kedai said “Takde la, awak perasan aje tuh. Kalau pakai rase tak selesa ke?” Then she frowned “Tak pun.. tak rase ape-ape pun… huhu.. cume bile tengok cermin, rase mcm senget”… The pakcik kedai said “Takpe takpe. Tak senget pun. Awak pergi jalan-jalan dulu.. kalau rase tak okey, datang balik, ye”…. She left and didn’t come back. Haha. In her heart..”Nak spec baru!!”
One Sunday evening. In the toilet, she was performing wudhu’, the spec on the sink. When she picked it up to wear it, somehow it slipped from her hand and fell. “Mamaaaaa!!!” Yes… sadly, the glasses broke… beyond repairment. Dah takleh pakai dah…. La, macam mane ni? Esok nak balik Uni dah… Lalu dia membongkar semua laci mencari spec lame. Baru teringat spec yang power same ade di Uni ajer. Bongkar-bongkar lagi, terjumpe spec years back. When she was in form 4. Hahaha… so round. Macam Harry Potter punye spec. Rupe-rupenye dulu she got no fashion sense at all… “selekehnye aku dulu…”
Nak buat camne, terpakse la pakai. Tapi agak blurry la. Mane taknye, power increased about 100 kot. Tadi driving pun ala-ala tak nampak jalan n bumper. Huhu… malam pulak tuh. Doa n tawakkal aje la banyak-banyak.
Esok nak balik uni.. huhu.. macammane ni?? kalau tempah new spec sekarang, at least a week baru dapat because I have astigmatism tinggi, leceh sikit nak buat spec… waa… the things I took for granted…
Pengajarannya.. be careful of what you wish for. Nak spec baru sangat! padan muke.. sekarang dah nampak macam budak sekolah nerdy giler.. aku lebih sanggup tak pakai spec kalau cenggini.. dah la spec ni agak senget. Haha.. tadi driving je pakai spec, sampai kedai, bukak… tak nampak muka jurujual. Hahaha… “Digi seploh ringgit pls…”.. orang kedai tuh mesti pelik giler tengok budak beli prepaid mate kecik terkebil-kebil….”Okeh okeh!…”
Suddenly the feeling comes.
Dread.
Baru it dawned to me….
This break is coming to its end. Waaaa…. patutlah rase tak best semacam.
Tomorrow, Saturday… and then Sunday… and then the D-day. Dreadful day.
I don’t want to go back to university.
And then, my laptop couldnt be fixed before this break end. So I decided to take it back first. Send it back to the service centre when this course ends, which is in 3 months time. Oh, I don’t have a choice. There are lots of things to be done. Projects, assignments, programme book for graduation night. All these need laptop. But I have to bear with the problem. It always shuts itself down whenever I use it for too long, or too many programs run at the same time. I guess it’s the problem with the cooling fan. Huhu, sedihnye. Me, a computer enthusiast, nanti terpakse berkire-kire, duduk depan laptop boleh kejap-kejap je. Sedihnye! (baru plan nak download banyak-banyak series korea/japan… punah harapanku)
I don’t want to go back to that stressful place. Oh, 3 months left.
My graduation night is on the 25th Nov. Oh, couldn’t wait.
Hopefully, when I come back to uni this monday, I’ll get good news. Any good news! So that I can have some sort of catalyst, to start a new week with enthusiasm! Usually, bad news always greeted us…. I hate that.
Hanaa’ is not so well. She got asthma. Poor baby. She has to consume some ubat (syup) which she despises. She refuses to swallow them, resulted kene marah ngan my mum. Then, ape lagi… nangis la.. (haha.. macam ler die besa sgt.. she just turned 5 months 30/8 hari tu).
Oh, just feel like posting something.
Oh this song sounds so sad. A Millionaire’s First Love OST.
Just now I went to school, met my former mentor and teacher (same person).
So, I told her some of the things I did… improper things. I said, dharuri…no other choice…
Then she said, “Nasib baik tak mati lagi, sempat awak nak bertaubat…”
Uish! That’s harsh, ustazah! (I called her ustazah).
But, it’s a fact, kan. No matter how bitter. True, Alhamdulillah Allah still gives me time, for me to repent. Kalau mati tang-tang buat dosa camne? Nauzubillah min zalik…
Ya Allah, thank You… for not letting me go….
Thank You, for reminding me…
Oh, I have sinned a lot.
Are you all afraid?
You should be.
I am.
I am afraid that I am the poison. Poisoning the well.
Ink that spoilt the milk.
without realizing it…
That’s why Ilmu is so important. Not only that… Ilmu with the right fikrah.. not only that.. Ilmu with the right fikrah and amal…
But many don’t care. Follow their heart desire… thinking they are right while they are wrong. Think that they are the most brilliant while actually they are the stupidiest.
I am so afraid I am one of these people…
Nauzubillah min zalik…
Allahumma fakihna fiddin…
………….
Just a thought.. mmm.. not really a thought pon..
Just now I watched “bawang putih bawang merah”, an indonesian drama series… modernized bawang putih bawang merah. (before this Malim Kundang.. ekeke.. jadi batu coz accident ngan lori simen…)
Si bawang merah marah dengan mak die.. sukahati je cakap “Mama munafik! tadi bilang begini! sekarang lain!” Lebei kurang la.. but I was really shocked dengar perkataan munafik tuh.. senang2 ajer ye. Dengan mak die pulak tuh. Well, maybe la kot indonesian dah biase gune that term utk cakap penipu.. but still…..
Anyway, this series’s jalan cerita is exactly the same ngan our lagenda bawang putih bawang merah.. mak tiri bunuh mak betul, n then dera bawang putih (actly name die Alya.. n bwang merah Siska.. lawo pulak tuh dedua). Tapi agak tensen la cerite ni… mane taknye, si heroin (Alya) lemah sangat.. and baik terlampau2. Ngak logikal sih!
……………
I always see others’ flaws..
I see mine, too…
I know my flaws. When I ask people what they don’t like about me, what are my flaws, actually I know and I aware that I did that. Sometimes rase geram.. lagi? ape lagi? I know that.. but other than that? ramai yang just geleng2 je.. same ade betul takde.. or derang rase tak sampai ati nak bagi tau saye (but mane bleh.. I’m trying to improve myself here).
I know the fact that I’m not a good person. Oh, so many things I did…
But I cannot stand people who think they are so good and wara’….
I wonder… when people did something wrong, betul ke derang tak perasan??
———–
I am so jealous of people who can write exactly what they are thinking. I am so jealous of people who can write such structured and beautifully written article… or thoughts.. or even blog entries.. Not just fragments like mine..
My thoughts are scattered.. in pieces. But I have this strong urge to write. But I can’t….
Is it practice or just talent?
Or maybe because of how one’s brain works…
I admit that I can’t concentrate on one thing for long. My thoughts and ideas come and go so quickly. If I didn’t write it this very instant, it wud never come again. And then a lot of blanks…. like right now…
. . . dot dot dot…
Well, this is when ‘draft’ comes in, kan… rangka.. catat dulu everything.. and baru la cantum the pieces together later on.
But, huhu… I write when I feel like too… (uish, ape ni mai? tak paham… )
Anyway, practice and practice and practice.. and of course, read a lot more!
Hoho.. nasib baik tak buat course like literature or language, kan.. I wud fail…
Physics suits me then…HOPEFULLY!
—
Erm, sometimes I just couldn’t help but think that I’m unique…
But then, semua orang pun unique and have different abilities/way of thinking/talents…
So, that makes semua orang normal..
So, I’m normal…
—
Teringat I discussed with my friend about psychological disorder…
Well, everyone has some sort of psychological disorder at some degree…
Mild OCD, mild bipolar, mild anxiety, mild depression, inferiority complex…that creates unique individuals..
As for me, I have mild bipolar kot.. (haha, suka hati je).. yela, senang rase gembira.. n tak asal2 sedih…
Or maybe I’m really a maniac.. sometimes I imagine things…
well.. the conclusion is, kalau semua orang is so normal… tak best la kan.. kalau berkawan pun kite suke kawan ngan orang yang gile-gile sket… memang la bukan gile betul, just that ade traits yang unique… that make a person, a person…
uh, just that, hopefully the psychological disorder tak jadi teruk.. jadi betul kang. I don’t want to be a scizophrenic. Mild-mild sudah la… (uish ape ni again?)
Eh, I’m not a medic student.. so.. ni just cakap-cakap je… just my opinion
—–
So… there goes randomness! Seronoknye….
My programme coordinator told me my AP result….
Let’s sing ..
Laugh it off and let it go..
When u wake up it will seem so yesterday…
Haven’t you heard that I’m gonna be okay…
Hmm… I’m feeling down.
But I’m gonna be okay…
I’ll sleep and forget how I feel…
This is crap and I know I shouldn’t feel like this.
I should be grateful.
Let’s look back what I’ve written months ago…
Maybe because I don’t know how ‘well’ I did in the exam. I’ll react to this whole situation after I receive the result. Only at that time I can cry or scream or just redha… Right now, I really am emotionless… maybe just geram to some people.. but that’s that. So people.. just wait till I receive the result… the third week of July. Then I can tell how I really feel…. –> May 6, 2006
So now I’m telling you, I feel sad. Sad. Sad. Sad.
Nevertheless, I am grateful the result is not that bad.. not as bad as what I got in my dreams..
But why am I feeling sad?
Ya Allah, pacify my feelings… Ya Allah, I thank You for all the ni’mat you gave me…. I know I don’t deserve this.. Ya Allah, I’m ungrateful… ampuni aku…. ampuni aku….
No more shocking news this week, please… hopefully. I’m quite tired. Brain is confused on how to react.
I’m going home tomorrow. I want to have a nice long sleep. This week is rough (yeke?). I am not feeling so well.. got cough and headache.. n sakit sendi. Nyamuk banyak dalam bilik! Janganla demam….
All my siblings are obsessed.. ekekeke.. including me la.. –> Hanaa’ all da way.
Anyway, my mind isn’t functioning so well… now I’m having mixed feelings. I feel like laughing.. and crying.
No, not because I’m bipolar (well, maybe.. but that’s different story).. it’s just because everything that’s happening around me right now.
Today is August the 21st. Al-Quds day… what can I do for you, oh Al-Quds…. People around me don’t even care… don’t even know. My mistakes…
Today is August the 21st. Siti married Dato’ K… I watched it on TV, the akad nikah. My friend was screaming “Noooo!!! …” . I laughed… Siti made me reconfirm the fact that all artists are typical… pandang harta n pangkat… okay, maybe that’s really love… but she never did consider laypeople kan…. (what ever la.. even I pun cannot understand what I’m trying to convey).
Today is August the 21st. I received such shocking news from one of my friend…. it still doesn’t make any sense…. I still cannot accept it, tau… I can’t believe it, not yet.
Today is August the 21st. Tomorrow is August 22nd… My older sis, Uswah’s birthday… Happy Becoming Birthday!
Today is August the 21st. Yesterday, August 2oth, I found out that my blood group is O! I am actually very very glad. All these while I thought I’m A. Just when I was so happy, one of my friend said “Eleh mai, sebenarnye doc tak gune pun darah o utk semua patient.. ditakuti tak sesuai.. so O utk O.. A utk A n so on.. blood group B yang kekurangan skrg ni.. I ni B tau!! hehehe” (dialog diubah sket2 tapi maksud same la yer). But I don’t mind that.. I still am very very glad I am from the O group. Abah smsed me “Tahniah sbb ikut abah -yeye!”. Hihihi… but anyway, I couldnt donate my blood yesterday because they found out I had once lived in the UK… I really really want to try to donate my blood… I wanna try in JB, la.. hopefully they don’t ask about UK next time.
Oh, I cannot think straight. Headache pulak…. words pun messed-up.
4 days before I’m home again! yay!
I miss home… I miss my parents… I miss my siblings… I miss Hanaa’… I miss my mum’s cooking… I miss dinner with all the members of the family… I miss the laughter… I miss the story… I miss my bed…I miss my parents’ cozy bedroom… I miss the living room… I miss my hometown… I miss driving in the neighbourhood… I miss Angsana,a shopping mall I’m most familiar with… I miss my school… I miss my teachers… I miss my friends.
.. I wish I can have a nice long break when I can take my own sweet time enjoying all these all over again….
I miss balik kampung gathering and meet all the aunties/uncles and ‘most-importantly’ all the adorable baby cousins! I miss them…
and I’m not outta Malaysia, yet…. unbelievable me.
Home again, in two weeks time 
!!!!!
Oh, how I miss everything.
just another personality type quiz..
I am a bit skeptical about quizzes.. haha
Based on this test, I have a very low confidence, I don’t trust others much, spontaneous, and very imaginative…
Maybe it’s true.. but I think that’s an exaggeration…
I think I’m quite a confidence person…. but it depends on situations… Sometimes my confidence level is high, sometimes can fall really low… like I said, it really depends…
One thing for sure, When talking in english, i don’t have any confidence at all..
Oh, I agree I’m spontaneous…
and, it takes times for me to really trust people for me to be able to tell everything…
and oh yeah I love imagination… love so much that I’m afraid that I’m psychotic..haha..