mkderwish…

I so cannot control my eating habit la.
Just now we went to Alamanda… and I bought 2 pretzels, n one rotiboy.
And at the supermarket I bought WantWant rice crackers (sedap giler!), n sunflower kernels (sedap gak!) and Dahfa dried fish fillet (sdapppp!). Everything is snack! huhu. How can I be healthy? I cannot stop eating them… yela, all of them are easy to consume..i mean, not messy at all. So can eat at any time while doing anything. Right now I’m eating the rice crackers.. Apela, we are supposed to be moderate in eating… byk nye snack!!!

and … oh! how easy my money vanished!

Actually the main reason we went there is to take passport-sized pictures. Well, for me it turned out ugly! huhu.. I never like taking this kind of photo. They seldomly turn out well for me. Well, maybe I really look like that in real life… haha. But then, digi cam pics are different. And I hate passport-sized photo.. all my parut and jerawat are so visible…. haha. And I looked dark… And so chubby la.. (yela.. have to accept the fact that I’m montel la.. ). Uh, I just looked really weird in that pic… nuff said. Oh, tudung tak betul.. hihihi.

Uh oh.. post-eating sickness.. sakit perut! huhu.

Application matter…

I have 6 forms in my hand right now. But we are only allowed to apply to 5 universities. And I haven’t make up my mind yet, which university I should not apply to… confused gak ni. The problem is, I haven’t received my AP result yet! and without AP, uni of melbourne amat tipis harapan… they want AP results…

hmmm…deviation:

I am soooo not good in PR. Cane ni?? tak reti nak berurusan dgn org. Tak reti nak mengayat… haha. n tak reti nak wat keje… I’m not good at this. Why can’t people see that? and let me do something else, pls. Huhu.

As a daie, we have to be really good in approaching people… but I am just not good. I think my ability is in different area… if a person doesn’t have a good skills in this area, shud he practice it? i mean, ,mmg kene ke? kalau dah tak reti takkan nak pakse2? dah try dah pon.

n.. dlm dunia ni ade pelbagai bidang… n ramai manusia… bukan ke kite ni ramai utk saling lengkap melengkapi.. I mean, kalau i tak reti, jgn pakse sgt… i know myself better..

hapela aku ngarut…

online petition, muslims in malaysia who haven’t submit their name, pls do so. At this site also got some intersting articles.. I just read one from a muslim revert, Yusuf yates or something. http://myislamnetwork.net

This was written on Nov the 20th 2005, Sunday….

The break ends a week ago. Classes have started. How I yearn for more holidays. I found this program has become more and more dreadful. How worse can it be? I don’t want to imagine that.

A year more to go.

I should have started a countdown. No, it will only increase my crave for leaving this place. I just hope our sponsor will pass the proposal on shortening this preparatory program to just until mid next year. We can apply for July intake.

I just want a break. I believe a year will pass without me really noticing it. Just like this 2005 year. Just like my form 5 year. Just like all my years in secondary school… Just like the years of my whole life.

Yesterday I had a really bad PMS day. I didn’t eat anything but ‘baulu’ (Malay traditional kueh). I rarely came out from my room. I spent most of my time watching cds. I managed to finish my homework, though. I hate PMS. My housemates didn’t have the courage to ask me anything because they saw my moody face. I hate PMS.

I went through all my writings that I wrote since form 1 and I cried. I felt depressed over nothing. (Okay, maybe not nothing, but just little little things.) I hate PMS.

I hate PMS. If I didn’t swallow 8 tablets of paracetamol yesterday, I’d have thrown up and screamed all day.

I’m afraid I’ll suffer from kidney failure when I am 40, you know. Because of large consumption of pills every single month without fail. But I cannot help it. Urgh, I hate PMS.

It’s not like by repeating ‘I hate PMS’, I won’t have it ever again… duh!

A year more to go…

Yesterday was not interesting. Okay, maybe it’s not fair to say it wasn’t. But what I am certain of is yesterday was extremely tiring. I thought my shoulders had detached from my body and I couldn’t stand walking in my high-heels, it was too painful.

Back from the exhibition, I got a bag full with brochures and prospectus from almost 10 universities that I want to consider applying. (Oh, and one university that my friends and I felt pity to because no one was visiting its booth, I guess because it is located at Darwin and such a small university.).They were so heavy that the bag carried them cut through my shoulder. I felt like dragging it all the way in the komuter and LRT and at Mid Valley but it would be too embarassing. My friends wouldn’t want to walk besides me.

We ended our fasting of the day at Mid Valley. I decided not to do that anymore. There were just too much crowd. Not only it was hard to search unoccupied restaurant table, the surau too, was too crowded and it took times to take the wudhu’ and took turns in praying. Just too many people. It’s not worth it, I think. If you really want ‘outside’ food, just buy them and then go back home and eat peacefully.

I forgot to say that I broke my own promise. I bought 2 novels instead of one. There are ‘The Pact’ by Jodi Picoult and ‘My Story’ by Dave Prezler (or something). I felt guilty but not anymore because there are the only 2 things I bought yesterday. (Well, excluding pretzels and Long John Silver meal set).

I am half way through ‘The Pact’. I feel uneasy because there are just too many obscene things. I was expecting something like ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ by the same author. ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ is so touching and inspiring and somewhat clean if you know what I mean. Maybe I was dissapointed but I still think the theme brought by ‘The Pact’ is good. I enjoy reading the clean part of it.

This always happened to me. I bought ‘I Know This Much Is True’ by Wally Lamb months ago and I still haven’t finished reading it because I felt disgusted by the explicit part. But I really like the theme. So touching, about this scyzhophrenic man and his brother. Depressing, yeah, but interesting.

Anyway, I want to talk about ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. I recommend this book and give it 5 stars. This book is so good. It overwhelmed me everytime I read it and I felt empathy towards the main character (Anna). This book is narrated so effectively that you can almost feel what the character feel. I cried a couple of times in the process of finishing this book and I’ll say, it was worth it. This is a story about a conflict in a family who had an ill daughter (Anna’s sister) and how the family dealt with it.

I always say this but it is truly true that I am not a good book reviewer and I cannot tell about books effectively. But I can confirm that ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ is truly a good book and a must-read.

Oh, tomorrow classes will start again. And SAT result! and 5 days more before holiday.. cannot wait…

Now I’m feeling a lot better. SAT 1 just passed and it was such a relief. Perhaps it was because of the stress I felt in the preparation of SAT in such a short period that I became ‘haywire’. You all can laugh at me, because I know, SAT is probably the easiest test ever. But I am neither a proficient english speaker nor writer, and my vocabulary is very limited; It is very important to me to obtain perfect score. In any test! I needed more practice and it showed that with this short of a time, I never managed to practice a lot. Okay, so I’m going to repeat it. Big deal…

This December I’m going to sit for the SAT again. But I haven’t decided to sit SAT reasoning test (sat 1) or SAT subject test (include math, physics n chemistry). Most probably I’ll repeat SAT 1, now that I’m feeling much better and more prepared with more intensive classes. I have to rememorize all the jargons though! what a pain. I should’ve use them more in my writing so that I won’t forget them.

I wrote those 2 paragraphs above yesterday. Today I woke up late (10.15 am). Well, I woke up at 6 to perform my subuh prayer then I fall back asleep. I didn’t even have my sahur! But I don’t think it is a big thing because I last ate at 12 mid night last night. I went to my friend’s house; she organized iftar for our class. It was a good thing. I hadn’t went out from this campus for nearly 2 months!

I cannot wait for the coming holiday. I miss my mum so much. Not that I don’t miss my dad, but my ‘miss’ for him couldn’t grow much because he came here almost every week.

Okay, I have lot of assignments to do, so I better sign off!